J. Soltys's Weblog

October 6, 2008

Female Country Music Singers Advocating More Domestic Violence?

(October is domestic violence awareness month. My blog will focus on domestic violence from the often ignored and silent perspective – the male victim – and how organizations, politicians, and society deny men and their children the same awareness, compassion, and resources offered to women.)

Women’s groups have been advocating that many forms of media, particularly rap and hip-hop music, carry words and images that are degrading, sexist, aggressive, and violent towards women. They have defined this as a serious cultural problem that needs to be seriously addressed.
As a father of a teenage daughter, I couldn’t agree more, and have found many other women and men feel the same, taking up the cause by boycotting those individuals, groups, or corporations that perpetuate this type of gender humiliation – whether on a personal or organizational level.
This awareness, led by women’s rights and domestic violence prevention advocates, has resulted in aggressive pressure being placed upon those responsible for creating these harmful images to change their ways.

While I have never questioned the purpose, I have always questioned the cause. In some of my previous writings I have questioned whether blaming men, masculinity, and the patriarchy is actually valid in the present social environment. I have reasoned, in an age when women are out pacing men academically, making incredible strides in the areas of independence, career, money, status, and power, why is it they have chosen to exploit themselves, or allow themselves to be exploited, in such growing numbers?
Feminist ideology says that with the rise of all the components listed above, the ability for women to be exploited would decrease. Instead, it has been increasing.

I believe that if more emphasis was placed on seeing women as being just as exploitive as men, then the cause of this societal stain would become clearer. I believe women are no different than men; they are human first. This means that if exploiting themselves or others for their own personal gain is within their reach, they will do so. And just like men in the past, when caught doing so, women try to avoid any accountability.
Men, having held power for so long, have filled many history books with various methods of exploitation. This is why exploitation is viewed as a masculine issue, but as women gain power, it is becoming clearer that such issues as exploitation, discrimination, and violence are as much a part of the feminine personality as the masculine.

With that being said, let’s take a look at female violence in the media.

But My Violent Media is “Different”

A female reader of mine recently sent me the lyrics for a country song by female artist Miranda Lambert. The song is called “Gunpowder and Lead”. She was disturbed by the content and images of the song, which unfortunately, her young son was listening to.
Here is a sample:

I’m goin’ home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he’s got one
And he ain’t seen me crazy yet
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don’t that sound like a real man
I’m going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead

His fist is big but my gun’s bigger
He’ll find out when I pull the trigger

In all the advocacy done to raise awareness towards violent images and words in modern music/media, I have never heard this song mentioned. Is it because the violence is directed at a male instead of a female?

Would the same hold true for Carrie Underwood’s song, “Before He Cheats” which tells the violent reaction of a women scorned by a cheating partner?

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats…
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires…

Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.

Nobody in the DV awareness circles complained about this song. In fact, this form of toe-tapping domestic violence towards men garnered Underwood a Grammy for Best Female Country Vocal Performance! (And she demonstrates exactly how a woman should do this during her live performances. Underwood violently attacks a car on stage with a baseball bat during this song.)

Domestic violence awareness advocates have stated repeatedly that any form of violent outbursts by a partner is a significant indication if that person is a potential abuser. But DV awareness advocates and women groups were silent on Underwood’s song, failing to criticize or reach out to young women (Underwood’s fan base) to educate and counter the dangerous image and message the song was sending these young women, that using violence in any manner is not the way to address and handle emotional situations in their relationships.
So why were they silent? One will have to assume it’s because the victim is male and the perpetrator female.

But finally there was controversy when the Dixie Chics came out with their song, “Goodbye Earl” which tells the story of an abused woman who along with a female companion kills her abusing partner (Earl) with passion and glee:

Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye midnight flight
She held Wanda’s hand as they
worked out a plan
And it didn’t take long to decided

That Earl had to die
Goodbye Earl
Those black-eyed peas
They tasted all right to me Earl
You’re feeling weak
Why don’t you lay down
and sleep Earl
Ain’t it dark
Wrapped up in that tarp Earl

Earl had to die
Goodbye Earl
We need a break
Let’s go out to the lake Earl
We’ll pack a lunch
And stuff you in the trunk Earl

The video even includes a scene of the women dancing all giddy like school girls after killing Earl.
However, the Dixie Chics did show how sensitive they were to the issue of domestic violence by including this disclaimer:

“The Dixie Chicks do not advocate premeditated murder but love getting even.”

Gee, how sensitive and understanding.

Furthermore, in an interview, Natalie Maines, a member of the Dixie Chicks, said, “I think initially when we heard it, we just thought it was so funny.”

When men are victims of violence, it is “so funny”.

As I stated, controversy did engulf domestic violence awareness advocates over the Dixie Chic song and video – but not how one would think.
The dichotomy among DVA advocates was drawn between those who felt it helped raise awareness for domestic violence victims, and those who felt is was too comical and “tongue-in-cheek” to raise awareness to the cause. None, however, felt the actions and violence of the women were disturbing, or felt that using violence to solve violence is acceptable.

In contrast, when male country singer Garth Brooks produced the video for his song “The Thunder Rolls” which tells the story of a cheating man who comes home and beats his wife, The Nashville Network (TNN) and the Country Music Television (CMT), refused to play the video.
However, both stations played the “Goodbye Earl” video, and CMT never questioned playing all three videos which showcased females singing about death, violence, and revenge towards men. And it should be noted that not one DV prevention advocate that I’m aware of stated that Garth’s song/video displaying male-on-female violence “helped” raise awareness for domestic violence victims.

So what’s the difference? It’s obvious.
Garth’s video was male-on-female violence. That is wrong.
But female-on-male violence is funny, empowering, and educational.

The Research

DV prevention advocates and women have a legitimate cause for concern when it comes to how the media, particularly music, affects or influences our nation’s young men and women. According to researchers, both male and female teenagers spend more time listening to music than any other form of media in a correlating ratio to their age. The older they become, the more music they listen to. By the time he or she enters the dating years of high school and college, music is the dominate form of media in his or her life. And it is noted that females show more of a reliance on music than males.
But what’s more interesting is how this demographic responds to controversial lyrics in their music.
According to this study:

Two general patterns seem to emerge from the research on attention to lyrics: First, the more
important music is to an adolescent, the more importance he or she places on lyrics relative to other elements of music gratification. Second, attention to lyrics is highest among fans of oppositional or controversial music (whether it be 1960s protest folk or rock or the heavy metal and rap of today). In other words, the more defiant, alienated, and threatening to the mainstream a music type is, the more closely its fans follow the words (Christenson & Roberts,1998).

This would help explain the appeal and fascination with heavy metal and rap/hip hop music, and it also brings validity to the concerns of the misogynistic lyrics and images these genres proliferate.
While research analyzing the affects of misogynistic lyrics and images are a dime a dozen, there is barely any research analyzing how anti-male or mysandric lyrics and images affect male and female listeners.

I finally found one, and I can only say the results are surprising.

Music and Aggression: The Impact of Sexual-Aggressive Song Lyrics on Aggression-Related Thoughts, Emotions, and Behavior Toward the Same and the Opposite Sex, by Peter Fischer and Tobias Greitemeyer from the Ludwig-Maximilians-University Munich.

In a series of three studies, we investigated the impact of misogynous and men-hating song lyrics on aggression related thoughts, emotions, and behavior toward the same and the opposite sex. In Study 1, male and female participants listened to misogynous or neutral song lyrics and, subsequently, their actual aggressive behavior toward a male or a female confederate was measured. Study 2 attempted to shed light on the underlying psychological mechanisms by measuring aggression-related cognitions and emotions. Furthermore, Study 2 widened the scope of Study 1 with regard to the effect of menhating music on aggressive inclinations of women toward men: Participants were exposed to misogynous, menhating, and neutral song lyrics and then the listeners’ aggression-related cognitions and emotions were measured. Study 3 intended to replicate the findings of the previous two studies by employing additional measures of aggressive inclinations and behavior. In short, the aim of the present research was to investigate whether male and female participants are prone to be influenced by violent music. More specifically, we tested the impact of misogynous song lyrics on aggressive responses of men toward women as well as more aggressive responses of women toward men after being exposed to men-hating music.

To sum up the results:
Study 1 showed male participants had increased aggression towards the female participants after listening to misogynist music. Females showed no measurable difference towards the male participants after listening to misandric music.

Study 2 was used to correct for the flaws in study 1. After listening to misogynist music, the male participants showed heightened aggression towards women again. However, this time, women began showing negative reactions to males, but still lacked the measurable form of vengeance found in the males.

In study 3, the researchers corrected a problem found in study 2, which was the realization that the intensity of the misogynistic music was greater than the intensity of the man-hating music. When the negative intensity of the anti-male music equaled the negativity intensity of the misogynistic music, women showed an unmistakable negative reaction towards their male participants:

Furthermore, we found evidence that men-hating song lyrics could have a similar effect on aggressive reactions of women toward men: Listening to men-hating song lyrics substantially increased women’s recognition of negative male attributes.

The study also found that as the intensity of the man-hating music increased, the males that were exposed to it showed an increase in aggressive and negative behavior towards women.

It’s sad there is only one study out of hundreds that had the integrity and courage to approach this subject from both sides. In recognition that only one study does not make absolute truth, there are still some important conclusions to be drawn from it:

— It is apparent that anti-male music is not funny or empowering – it is just another form of discrimination. I believe that common sense and historical evidence will establish that the uncontested and unaddressed proliferation of degrading, shaming, and humiliation of any individual, gender, race, religion, etc., will always lead to open and accepted discrimination of those individuals or groups by society.
I think this study only verifies that anti-male music, videos, and other media is as dangerous as the misogynistic music. However, I guarantee there will be no rush by women’s groups to address or question the female artists responsible for anti-male music. As usual, they will remain silent.

— If further studies corroborate the research, this study reveals a very important correlation: women who engage in writing anti-male music are not empowering women or creating a feeling of “justice” for women. Nor are they raising awareness to DV issues. Instead they are creating more aggressive behavior and actions towards women in men. In other words, if women choose to create this music they are contributing to more aggressive behaviors and actions not only towards men, but towards women also.
In no way is this anti-male music creating awareness towards DV prevention. It is actually raising the potential for domestic violence for both men and women.

— Women’s groups and DV prevention advocates have done a great job of raising awareness to the forms of media that are harmful to women. Since these same women believe in equality between the sexes, why do they consistently ignore popular media which displays blatant violence towards men when the perpetrator is female? When are they going to address and speak out about these forms of media being just as harmful and disturbing?

The two arguments I find that are used to dismiss this obvious gender hypocrisy by women and others is; “Men have done it for years (misogynistic music), so why can’t we”, and “Some of the songs are written by men so it’s OK”.

First, it is true, men have done it for years, but if that is your argument, then you have just done tremendous damage to your own cause. One cannot have a valid complaint of feeling marginalized if one is also openly engaging in the same behavior. When that happens, my attention and sympathy for your cause is lost.
Second, just because a man/men may have composed the songs does not mean that it is morally acceptable. If that were true, then the argument against rap and hip hop falls apart. Since so many women have contributed to the proliferation of rap/hip hop and its corresponding words/images involving women being denigrated and sexualized – from appearing in the videos, to buying the music, to attending live performances of the artists – it proves that rap/hip hop is not bad for women.

As the father of a daughter, and the father of two sons, I find any type of media that degrades or portrays violence against either sex for humor or empowerment disturbing. Fortunately, for my daughter, there is plenty of awareness and advocacy being generated to voice concerns about various forms of media that may harm her. For my sons, very few people are advocating for them, and the people who are supposed to be advocating for them are not. Why?
Because they are the wrong gender.



  1. i really agree with most points in this article.
    however, i honestly think that songs like ‘before he cheats’ really aren’t promoting violence; the singers are just stating their own opinions. [think about it- wouldn’t you be somewhat outrgaed if you were being cheated on or beat up?] sometimes people just read too much into the lyrics.
    and besides, women’s rights activists are always saying that women should have equal rights and speak their minds, which is what the songs posses.

    Comment by ash. — June 2, 2009 @ 12:27 am | Reply

  2. It’s about time that women can shout back at the men. For decades I have had to listen to rappers talking about their bitches, hoes, killing them, choking, raping, and beating them, putting them in the trunk.

    Stop being so sensitive about women vs. men and who gets away with what. You’re just upset because this isn’t all a Man’s world anymore and women can say the same things now, too.

    I admire your cause for making this world more peaceful, but it’s never going to be fair. Either the men are going to win or the women are.

    Comment by Mary — June 25, 2009 @ 4:00 pm | Reply

    • Those were rappers, hun, pieces of human garbage. It’s easy to discern that male country singers don’t hate women in the least. To the contrary, they bow to women like p*ssies, thus women have taken the male position that needed filling – an unnatural position indubitably noted in how miserable and unbearable women have become.

      So to you women, thanks for taking the wheel, but it soon will be time for you to get back into the kitchen and raise children. Once Western man reestablishes control order will be restored. Your words won’t suffice against a couple strong arms willing to shove you down without fear your feminist government minions will do anything, for they will be under our order as well.

      Comment by Jake — November 16, 2010 @ 12:26 am | Reply

  3. I think to speak out against domestic violence is a great thing, however, to say that song lyrics will make things worse is ridiculous. If women can’t empower other women then who will? These songs are silly, not serious at all and let’s give women enough credit to understand that.

    And this is not a men vs women issue as another person commented. Men are not going to win, but neither are women. In domestic violence there are only losers, no matter who is dishing out the abuse. And I’m sorry, it is still a man’s world. Sadly, there will never be equality, that is a dream but there can be understanding, respect, and change. That is what we need, not competition.

    Comment by Renee — January 4, 2010 @ 7:47 pm | Reply

  4. Notice the women’s comments. You are not going to get them to actually care. Women need alpha men to put them in their place again – in the home or close community and having and rearing our children. Most Western women today are feminist, and it speaks volumes that Southern White women, who have little reason to hate their overall caring traditional men, are fearlessly lashing out – they know their will be no real opposition from us. Us civil Western men have been too caring, too attentive, and too passive. Our women highlight the drunk abusive losers that they choose themselves and label the rest of us thus because their emotions supersede their limited ability to be rationally minded. Women have gained too much power and have no idea what they’re doing. They’re not built to live in society as man and thus, I say again, need real men to take control once again.

    Comment by Jake — November 15, 2010 @ 11:46 pm | Reply

  5. I just came about of this site wile looking for songs that help perpetrate the acceptance of Domestic Violence. I will say that 85% of victims of domestic violece are WOMEN via that bureau of justice statistics. so yes Domestic violence is vastly dis-proportioned. Until people accept that humans are equal than nothing will change. that it is NOT ok to hit anyone. It does however make me mad that for years music had made it ok to abuse women or show abusive traits. take for example baby its cold outside. the guy is telling the girl no don’t leave, have a drink … don’t leave baby its cold outside. and she wants to go but no he is manipulating or attempting to manipulate the woman. now that song was not out there hey I am beating a woman and that is ok, but what it is doing is confirming to women oh her cares so much he wants me to stay not oh here have a drink get a little more drunk and don’t leave.” She must have done something wrong tonight…..Just tell the nurse you slipped and fell” lyrics from Black Eyes Blue Tears a country song. this is NOT ok it is NOT the woman’s fault he hits her. it is HIS fault. the world needs to stop giving in to the perpetrators (she mad me, I just lost control, i was drunk, i lost my job., i was high.) it is their fault they beat on their victim. The are always in control. most victims who have physical proof most of that is in non visible areas. this shows the complete control he has when he is beating her. So it just tears my heart that men are coming out the wood works oh women do it too taking it yet again away from the majority of the abusers MEN and putting it on women. Again it is NEVER ok to abuse anyone male or female and it is NEVER the victims fault or any outside sources it is always ALWAYS the abuser’s fault.
    Soc major. I did my capstone paper on DV.
    Thank You

    Comment by Satin — January 29, 2012 @ 4:20 am | Reply

  6. Comment by Terry — January 5, 2013 @ 2:38 pm | Reply

  7. Very well written, and I agree. While it would raise a lot of eyebrows if the songs being played were about committing acts of violence against women, no one seems to care if it is a man being killed or hurt. It is seen in many shows as well, it is common to see a woman slap a man for little to no reason at all.

    Comment by Daniel — February 19, 2013 @ 6:06 pm | Reply

  8. Hey! This post could not be written any better!

    Reading through this post reminds me of my good old room mate!
    He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this write-up to him.
    Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for

    Comment by organic plants — October 7, 2014 @ 10:16 pm | Reply

  9. FINALLY!!! There is an acknowledgement of what I have been saying for years. Thank you so much for the post. You always hear about how bad Domestic Violence in any form, but when you really listen to the advocates long enough, it is very clear they are only talking about violence against women.

    Not only are there many songs advocating hate, violence and revenge against men, but there are movies, sitcoms, commercials and all kinds of media out there that make it seem funny or clever when a woman commits an act of violence against a man. (i.e., waiting to exhale, etc). Open your eyes people. NOBODY deserves to be abused, beat, slapped, pushed or have things thrown at them due to an emotional outburst. How many times have we seen a woman portrayed on tv or in the movies throwing something at a man because she is upset? It’s funny, right?

    Comment by Joe — November 11, 2014 @ 7:43 pm | Reply

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